Finding Strength
by Smile Life Away
Summary: I learned how to swim because I was drowning, and that's how I survived.


A/N: This has been sitting on my computer for a while, so here it is.

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Hunger Games Prim wouldn't have died.**

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**"Start with what you know." He doesn't give me his name. He's just another Doctor in District 13. I don't ask his name. I just do what he says.

_I learned how to swim because I was drowning. I was four and my father's boat capsized. I don't remember how. I don't remember what the sky looked like or how the water felt. I just remember that I learned how to swim because I was drowning, and that's how I_ _survive__d._

"Start with something simple. Start with your name."

_My name is Annie Cresta._ No, there's something wrong with that. Something that happened before…_My name is Annie Odair._

What else do I know?

_I am twenty-one years old. I am from District Four. My mother is dead. She died when the boat capsized; back when I was four. She died because she was trapped inside. _

Simple. KISS. Keep it simple, stupid. I smile a little at the old joke. My brother's joke.

_My brother. He's older than me. He's twenty-four, no twenty-five. He's older than me. He's a fisherman. He's married. They have a daughter. He gave me a seashell bracelet as a token for my Games. It almost got confiscated. _

"Only do what you're positive you know."

It's a monotonous exercise of separating fact from fiction. Truth from lies. Reality from fantasy. Dead from alive.

_I'm alive. Johanna's alive. My mother's dead. My father's dead. Mags is dead. Fin-_

That's why I'm here. They don't want me thinking about him. They think I'll explode. They think I'll go crazy again. They think I can't handle it.

_I learned how to swim because I was drowning. That's how I survived._

_My name is Annie Odair. I'm twenty-one years old. I'm from District Four. I live in District Thirteen. I am the victor of the 70__th__ Annual Hunger Games. I won because I could swim. One of my mentors' names was Finnick Odair. We got married. He's dead. Finnick is dead._

"Start with something simple." The doctor's voice is back now. "Only what you're sure you know."

_I'm sure about that._

I stand up. I'm not stuck in the hospital anymore. They trust me enough to let me stay in my own room, either that or they've given up hope. I'll never recover so why bother? That's probably it. There's only one place to go. Only one person who might be able to explain everything without these exercises.

_Finnick is dead. He died fighting against the Capitol. He went with them because he was fighting for freedom. For us. For me. He said he was fighting for me. But I never wanted vengeance. I just wanted us. I just wanted – my name is Annie Odair. I'm twenty-one years old. I'm from District Four. I now live in District Thirteen. My mother is dead. My father is dead. Mags is dead. Finnick is dead. I'm all alone._

I find Johanna in her room. They've let her out of the hospital too; once they realized she would be okay without water they found no reason to keep her in there. I think she expected me to come because she's sitting up with almost a smile (or at least it would be if Johanna smiled).

"I knew you'd be here." She says. It's a bitter smile, so it's not really a smile at all.

_I won the 70__th__ Annual Hunger Games. When I came home my father smiled at me. But it was a bitter smile so it wasn't really a smile at all. He didn't cry until the cameras were gone. And then one day he went out on his boat and never came back. My brother told me it was a fishing accident. Finnick told me the truth. Because he trusted I could handle it. Or because he knew it would be worse if I found out on my own. I never asked him which it was. It wasn't important then. It's not important now. _

"He made me swear to look after you." Johanna is saying. "He made me swear on the Mockingjay since he knows I don't care about my life or anyone else's. For some reason he thinks I care about what she stands for. I don't. But I'd like to see Snow dead. Is that too much to ask for?"

_My name is Annie Odair and the first time I saw the Mockingjay was on a television screen. She was sixteen and she was frantic to save her sister. Mags felt bad for her. I could see it in her eyes. I thought she was brave – running up there like that. I thought she looked like a competitor. Maybe not a winner, winners don't come from District Twelve, but a competitor most definitely. _

"No," I say. I think she just wants an audience for her rant, but I can't be sure. So I answer her.

"Anyway, I told him I would – look after you that is. Not that you need a baby-sitter. And don't count on me to baby you like Mags did. You're a year younger than I am, you're not a child."

I don't say anything. I let her talk. And I will try to listen. I will.

_My name is Annie Odair. I am from District Four. And sometimes, Mags would make waffles. She'd let me come over her house because I "couldn't wake Finnick up every time I had a nightmare" and she would teach me how to make hooks and call me a "spoiled little girl" and make me waffles. We would lather them in syrup and eat them with our hands and it was like having a mother again. Or a grandmother really, but I've never had one of those so I wouldn't know what it's like. _

"It's not funny, Annie." I didn't realize I was laughing. I stop. "I mean it. I don't think we'd kill each other. Okay, maybe we didn't get along that well when we were mentors, but things are different now. We have to stick together." This girl doesn't sound like Johanna. Not the Johanna I know.

"Yeah, okay." I say, and I even smile. Because she's Finnick's friend, and he trusts her…he trusted her. He's dead, he's…

_My name is Annie Odair. I'm twenty-one years old. I am from District Four. I am the victor of the 70__th__ Annual Hunger Games. One of my mentors was Finnick Odair. We got married. He died. Finnick is dead. I'm all alone._

"Don't cry." She looks concerned. "Don't cry." She says again. "I told you. He told me to look after you. I'm going to look after you. He knew you'd be okay. He knew you'd be strong."

_Strength. My name is Annie Odair. When I was four years old my father's boat capsized. I learned to swim because I was drowning. That's how I survived. _

_My name is Annie Odair and I am all alone. When I was sixteen and I came back from the Games I was labeled "mentally insane." But I survived. I survived because I was drowning. And when I'm drowning I learn how to swim. I learn to be strong._

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**_A/N: Please Review_**


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